Does My Story Count as Trauma? Here’s How to Know
The word trauma gets used so many different ways—it can leave you unsure where your story fits. Let’s clear that up.
For a lot of women—especially high achievers who’ve built their success on keeping it together—the word trauma can feel uncomfortable. Calling an experience traumatic might seem too extreme or even like self-pity. You might think, “Why focus on the past? Thinking about it will just drag me down.” And yet, many of us still carry some “stuff” from the past—old pain or memories that pop up in anxiety, overthinking, or emotional shutdowns. It can make you wonder: Does my story count as trauma?
Let’s talk about that.
Why the Definition of Trauma Can Feel Confusing
Part of the confusion is that trauma doesn’t have just one definition.
In psychology and psychiatry, the DSM—the manual clinicians use for diagnosing mental health conditions—defines trauma mainly in relation to PTSD. In that context, trauma refers to very specific kinds of life-threatening or violent events: combat, accidents, sexual assault, or natural disasters. That definition matters for research and treatment, but it can also feel limiting—because it doesn’t reflect the full range of experiences people carry inside.
Another framework, complex trauma, helps describe what happens when stress or harm happens over and over. It might look like growing up in an unpredictable home, being chronically dismissed, or living in relationships where your safety or worth was constantly undermined. It’s not just one event—it’s the slow wear of survival over time.
Then there are body-based perspectives, like Somatic Experiencing, which explain trauma as stuck stress responses—fight, flight, freeze. This view highlights how the body carries unfinished survival energy: racing heart, hypervigilance, shutting down, or freezing long after the event is over.
You may also hear about “Big T” vs. “little t” trauma:
Big T refers to major, life-altering events like an accident or assault.
Little t points to smaller, repeated hurts—dismissal, rejection, or humiliation—that build up over time.
Some therapists use Type A vs. Type B trauma:
Type A is about what was missing—emotional safety, care, or validation.
Type B is about what shouldn’t have happened—abuse, accidents, or harm.
All these definitions describe different layers of the same truth: pain that overwhelms your system and leaves a mark.
A Definition That Puts the Focus Where It Belongs
With so many definitions, it’s easy to wonder: Which one is right? In my work, I’ve found something even more helpful—a definition that shifts the focus from the event itself to how it impacted you.
Trauma Definition:
The ongoing, lasting impact of a painful or distressing experience that occurs when your ability to resource is overwhelmed by the intensity of what happened.
In other words, it’s not about what happened—it’s about how your system responded and whether you had the support, tools, or internal stability to process it at the time.
That’s why one person might experience a traumatic event and recover relatively quickly, while another feels deeply shaken or changed by something others might dismiss as “minor.” It’s not about comparison—it’s about capacity, support, and timing.
When we define trauma this way, we stop drawing fake lines around pain.
We stop telling ourselves our hurt isn’t “bad enough.”
We start recognizing that our body and emotions are simply showing us where healing is needed.
What Really Matters—Your Experience
When you ask, “Does my pain count as trauma?” what you’re really asking might be, “Is what I’m feeling valid? Does it make sense that I’m hurting this much?”
And here’s what I want you to know:
Every reaction, every emotion, every way you’ve coped—it all makes sense.
Even if it’s not clear to you yet, your pain has logic. You make sense.
You don’t need a perfect label for your story to matter.
When It Might Be Time to Seek Healing
If you’re still feeling the lasting effects of something from your past—panic, anxiety, emotional numbness, or constant alertness—that’s a sign your system is asking for support. It means the pain wasn’t fully resourced or processed at the time. And that’s not your fault.
Healing isn’t about erasing what happened. It’s about helping your body and mind finally complete what got stuck.
Finding a Safe Place to Heal
If you’re ready to make sense of your story and want a deeper, more focused space to work through it, I invite you to explore therapy intensives.
In an intensive, we can spend concentrated time together to gently process what’s been held inside for too long—so you can move from survival into calm, clarity, and confidence.
You can learn more about my intensives and how I support women in this process here. Learn more about EMDR Intensives through this article: What is an EMDR Intensive, and How Can it Help you Heal? or schedule a FREE 45 minute consultation to see if we are a good fit to work together.
No matter how you choose to heal, your experience matters. You don’t have to wait until it fits one exact definition to begin your healing.
